You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
