I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
