I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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