After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
