guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
