I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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