Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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