He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize