I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
