she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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