Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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