Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
