Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
