I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
