Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
