I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
