My liver just broke up with me...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
