ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
