Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
