If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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