did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
