Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
