um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
