Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
