just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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