I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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