Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
