Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
