literally had 100 drinks last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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