puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize