I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
