I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
