why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
