I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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