So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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