I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
