i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
