fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
