Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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