my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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