I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Couch. On fire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
