Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
