im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
