glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you never un-have a 4some
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
