I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize