How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize