dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
