But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
