She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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