i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
