The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
