please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you never un-have a 4some
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
