i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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