do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
