I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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