Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
