Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
