So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
