Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
