Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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