oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
