1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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