saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
