Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
