Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
