Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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