Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
