well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
