I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
