you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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