everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
