i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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