You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
