just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
