break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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