nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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