I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My sheets look like a crime scene.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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