never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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