What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
