He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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