you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im holly from the hills drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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