So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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