I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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