It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
