Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
