my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
