I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
