you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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