I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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