who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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