i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize