I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
