You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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