this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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