Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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