I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
