I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize