You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
