absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
40s are totally the cure
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
